Why do we ask advice from others about our own lives? Why do we feel like giving advice to others but, most importantly, why do we accept someone to tell us which path to take into our lifes, which choices to make, what to do? Giving advice is something I do quite often, but maybe it’s wrong. I mean you can’t really put yourself in some other person’s shoes, can you? All you can do is listen to them, and ask the right questions so that you make them think. Then you’ll guide them not towards the path you’d like them to take, but towards the path they feel they should take. You make them understand themselves better. It’s all about explaining the feelings to someone else, either by writing or verbally. And the sense of having to explain everything from head to tail to some other person, who of course can’t feel the feelings you’re describing just as you feel them, makes you see the situation with new eyes. But it depends a lot of the advice you’re receiving. For instance, if you’re about to make a decision and you just can’t figure out what’s the best choice, you may seek help at some friends or family members. Some of them will be certain that option A is the best, some of them otherwise. The thing is that you’re really weak in those moments. You’ll talk to the first person who explains all the arguments for option A, and you’re about to believe that indeed it’s the right thing, when some other person – or even the same one, which makes everything even more confusing – shows you that option B may actually be better. And you’ll end up even more confused. Instead of focusing on what’s the best for you, you’ll start thinking which of those persons knows you more, so that you can be sure that their arguments were the best. And that’s wrong. It will alter your way of thinking, and you’ll lose yourself amongst others’ ideas, thoughts, illusions and, perhaps most importantly, wishes.
So stop asking left and right about what YOU should do. It’s not their life, it’s not their choice. At least if you’ll realise you chose wrong, be brave enough to admit it was your own mistake, rather than cowardly hiding behind someone else’s. Cause if you let them choose for you, you’ll never be confident on your own self. There’ll be moments when you’ll think What if…? and start day dreaming about some other path of your life, which you abandoned just because someone else told you so. Of course it’s easier to blame someone else. But it’s not right, and, again, why shouldn’t we choose our own path in life, either the easiest or the hardest? At least you’d be proud no one had to push you that way. If you take your time and think about it, think first about what your heart really wants. Is it A or is it B? Or maybe why not complicate everything by including an X in the equation?
If you’re still not sure about it, talk to someone. Yes, indeed, i know I’ve said it’s not a good idea, but if the person knows something about communication, listening and helping others discover what they want, it may work. It happened to me – or at least i think so. The thing is for them to say the right things. For instance, they may tell you that yes, of course, inevitably you should choose A, and also give arguments. They should say Problem solved, I’m sure that’s the right thing to do. Take a deep breath and analyse your feelings. Was this what you were hoping to hear? Do you feel happy that someone else showed you that indeed the option you always preferred deep inside your heart is the best one? Congrats then, you’ve just discovered what you really prefer. The bad news is that it doesn’t mean it’s the best decision. But it’s the one you’ll enjoy the most in that very moment. Now the problem is if you listen to your wishes or not.
On the other hand, when they persuade you to choose something you don’t want to, you may end up doing it just because of the pressure. But again, deep inside your heart, your true wish will try to come to surface. You may regret it after a while, you may regret letting them choose for you. Cause after all, no one has been through what you have. Not even the closest person you may have. No one knows you better than yourself – but that is if you take your time and meditate a little. No one knows what will prove to be the best choice in the future. Not even yourself, unfortunately. Life is full of risks, but don’t forget it’s your own life. Your own risks. You shouldn’t let anyone push you away from a path, just because they appear to know what’s the best for you. Trust me, they don’t. Only you have power to change what’s the best for you, and in case of a mistake, learn and get over it. It’s better to learn from your own mistakes than letting others experiment on you with their ideas about your future.
So whatever you choose, don’t overthink it too much, don’t listen to 100 other opinions. Be brave enough to choose your own path, and proudly start walking on it. Keep your head up even if things around you fall apart, and don’t regret anything. Don’t let others define your life. Sadly there will probably be cases when you’ll realise they knew better, but… That’s life 🙂 The only one we have, and we shouldn’t live it as a puppet in someone else’s hands.