“He’s such an immature boy”, “Look how grown up she is compared to you”, “Time for you to grow up and stop living in this fairytale of yours!” Easy to say all these, but what exactly defines maturity? You can’t say about someone that is immature just because he/she made a decision that seems to you to be the wrong one… You can’t say about them that they’re mature just because they have lots of experience, life experience, behind them… The boundary between being mature and not are different for all of us. I may look mature in a situation, but act completely childish in another one. It’s hard and unfair to divide people between mature and immature… You don’t know what they’ve been through, and what waits for them in the future. There are some moments when you’re forced to grow up… When you find yourself alone, when plans didn’t go as you planned them, when you suddenly wake up…
I wonder if a break up could make you a little more mature. It could happen, or it could not. Probably it all depends on the persons, and how strong they are, and willing to accept the situation. You may decide you don’t want to see that person again for the rest of your life hoping that you would cope better with the pain this way. As you wish. But right now I don’t believe this is a solution.
Cause if you think about it, you won’t forget someone just because you stopped seing them. Just because you run away. The feelings are there until you decide to gradually change them into something else. If you stop seeing that person, you will keep the memories of the special moments in your mind, and so you will have the illusion of still feeling the same feelings. However, if you gradually change your relationship into a friendship, and you start sharing memories and moments not as lovers, but as friends, you’ll learn to feel comfortable with him that way. Of course it won’t be easy, and it’s about the unwritten rules you both have to obey. But it’s possible, and it’s better than hiding in some other flat and crying in your bed for an illusion that will never come back. It’s better to accept the reality and slowly going with your relationship into another direction – start appreciating him as a friend, and understand that it’s better this way. Cause you know it is 🙂 if things didn’t work out as lovers, it means it’s better like this. But losing a friend together with the lover is a stupid thing. If a person taught you something in that period of time, appreciate it and go to the next step. Understand that that period is over, and continue by adapting yourself to the new friendship. Running away shows that you’re weak, that you can’t accept the destiny – which is that things are better this way – and that you are not growing up. You prefer to hide and live in your fantasy dreams, where everything is still perfect, where you can still have the happy ending the way you imagined it that day. But grow up. You will not find the happy ending until you reach the end, and you can’t reach the end until you’ve grown up, right?! So whatever you’ve imagined could have been the happy ending, is not. Time to figure out what it will be, then. Time to look further away, to grow up a little bit by learning from the past, to let go of everything that looks like it keeps you from growing – cause after all, life is about growing, blossoming, moving forward. It’s not about staying trapped in the past, preferring to remain little and unknowing, unable to progress, physically and mentally, imagining yourself as one of Peter Pan’s lost boys 🙂 (note: if you haven’t watched Peter Pan, your loss… Basically it’s about a girl whose parents keep telling her to grow up, and one night a boy, Peter Pan – the hero from their stories – comes together with a little fairy to take Wendy and her brothers to Never Land, where some lost boys, aka little orphans, were living. You had to fly there and in order to do that, 3 ingredients were needed: faith, trust and pixie dust… : )
I’ve just realised it’s a reason why all the lost boys were boys, and not even one girl. Cause boys tend to be more immature. They tend not to try and grow up – well, with some exceptions.
Girls are different, and that’s why Wendy finally starts growing up in the end. She realises that Peter Pan cannot offer her more than he has done already, which is a pure, innocent frienship. She has to act as a mother for the other boys, and she actually doesn’t find it too bad. She realises that life is much more than childish games, and that you need to pass that period in order to start another one in your life – cause that’s the way it should be.
Peter Pan on the other hand prefers to remain a cute little boy, who lives in his own fantasy land, afraid to let the childhood go, afraid to have other feelings than the one a child has, not even when Wendy tries to show him what love is. He is not even sure that those feelings exist, cause you discover them only when you’ve grown up. And no one can make him grow up, not even Wendy 🙂 So he loses her. He loses a part of the life itself. He lives in an infinite loop, and prefers to stay that way, with Captain Hook as his biggest problem, rather than having to face some others, unknown ones. He’s such a child…
(Note to self: re-watch Peter Pan with different eyes, it may be surprising.)
The sooner you accept the reality, the better. The sooner you understand life is still full of miracles, the better. The sooner you’ll start looking forward for the rest of your unknown life, the better. And the sooner you’ll start looking for opportunities – and by looking for opportunities I don’t mean also taking them – the better. Just seeing that there are lots of paths for you to take into your life will make you feel optimistic about the future. You don’t have to rush onto the first choice, the first path. Have a look around and see how many wonderful things may happen if you just give them the chance. That’s all they ask for, a chance. So whenever you’re ready, take it and see what happens. Not what you were hoping for? No problem, keep looking. Be open to anything, it’s better than regretting afterwards. But keep looking forward. Don’t forget the past, cause that would be wrong, but accept it, learn from it and continue your life. You won’t learn how to move on if you don’t let go. Set some goals and try to reach them. Don’t lose yourself on the way. Don’t lose yourself amongst others. Be confident in your destiny and your life, and be proud of who you are. Believe. Trust. Be optimistic. And whenever things don’t come up as you expected or wished for, learn as much as you can, and then go out there and apply what you’ve just learned on another situation. Cause that’s growing, improving, blooming. Accept the reality and move on. Don’t get stuck in an infinite loop, but don’t break in the middle either. Continue on your own path, accept whoever is worth accompanying you, and let them go if their path splits from yours. I don’t mean not to get attached, I mean to try and keep a balance. Even between childhood and maturity.
“All children, except one, grow up.” says J. M. Barrie in the beginning of the book, and he’s also referring to growing up on the inside, not only the outside. And as long as you’re not Peter Pan, then you will grow up, no matter if you want it or not. It depends on you how soon you accept this, so that you can slowly start growing up. Or you could refuse and continue to act like Peter Pan, risking to fall even harder when you will – cause you will – wake up from your fantasy and have to face reality.
And if you are Peter Pan… Come and rescue me.