Hug me tight before you go… Summertime sadness

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I saw these days on Facebook a list of the most amazing feelings in the world, and one of them was tight hugs. And after thinking a little, I knew I couldn’t agree more – hugs are the best, but the feeling depends of a lot of factors.

Not anyone can give you a good hug. A stranger, for example, or someone you barely know, is most likely to make you feel a little uncomfortable if they offer to hug you – especially if you don’t trust that person. Cause hugs mean trust. I trust you, so I agree to have a hug together. The best part is that you most usually receive a hug while you give one – that is, if you hug a real person, and they are willing to cooperate – but I say that this ‘best’ part is in the same time the worst…

Imagine a scenario where you really need a hug. Have you ever felt like that? I used not to. I didn’t care about hugs, I didn’t need them. I vaguely remember my mom trying to hug me from time to time, but I think most of the time I was feeling quite awkward. Why should we hug?!… But recently I changed my mind. We all need hugs from time to time. Maybe we feel alone, maybe we crave for human interaction and human touch. Or maybe you’re in the most unluckiest situation when you need a hug from that one person. What do you do? Well, I guess anyone would show that person the intention to hug them. Cause you feel down, and you know there’s only one way of getting over this – with that special hug that never fails in making you feel nothing and everything in the same time. Which makes you feel relaxed and forget everything. It makes you think of nothing in particular, enjoying the inexplicable feeling of… feeling better, I guess. Cause that person has just shared with you one of the most precious gift of your friendship, and you are grateful for that.

But in our scenario, you get rejected. That only person who could make you feel better with a hug rejects you. Whatever the reasons, this rejection is one of the most painful of all, or at least that’s how I felt it. More painful perhaps that getting rejected in love – but it is infinitely more painful if the rejected hug implies rejected love – because a true friendship should mean more than a romantic relationship. It’s painful, cause hugs mean trust, and a rejected hug questions the trust behind it. It’s painful, because you were counting on that hug to get rid of some other pain, which now only grew bigger. It’s painful, because now you feel lonelier than ever, and finally it’s painful because it may mean that there won’t be hugs anymore. (And even if there will be, who can guarantee they’ll be as they used to be?… Who wants to risk getting rejected again?! Of course you’ll be more reticent next time. So it can’t be the same, can it?… At least not until some period of time) And while you’ll wonder what happened, you’ll see what I meant by the fact that, unfortunately, we can’t hug ourselves…

But perhaps you’re luckier. Perhaps that other person feels the same, and so the feeling is even nicer if both share the same intention. Cause it’s nice to actually ‘feel’ that the other person wants to hug you as well. It’s just the perfect situation, I guess, and surely this minimises the risks of being rejected. But if not, are you brave enough to be the one who takes the first step? It is worth trying, I guess.

I don’t know anything about the chemistry that happens during a hug. But I know I usually sigh. The same way my dog sigh when you pat her on the head or back 🙂 It’s completely different from the sigh I have when too many unplanned things happen and I can hardly cope with them. I still don’t know why I feel the need to sigh, if it’s from the hug itself or from the memories it brings, but it’s a good-type of sigh and I am grateful for that.

I found that a – let’s say – perfect hug should last at least 5 seconds, and should be tight, and of course with both arms. Anything less than 5 seconds, or a half-hug – with one arm only – is, I dare say, just a superficial simulation of a hug, the one you give/receive automatically when it’s necessary, like when a friend is leaving somewhere. A special hug doesn’t really need a reason – although a break-up or something similar obviously calls for such a hug – as we don’t always know why we feel the way we feel. A special hug is a hug that makes you realise you didn’t feel too OK beforehand, compared to how you feel now. A special hug lasts even more than 5 seconds, maybe a lot more. Cause it takes time for your body to actually feel the other person and get used to them, and it takes time for your mind to reach that peacefulness. And then it feels like the clock has just stopped, and it’s only the heartbeats and the occasional sighs that remind you time still passes by – but you can try ignore them and pretend you’ll stay there forever, in your little infinite loop, where it feels so good. Pretend no one has to go away, pretend no one chose to leave, pretend everything is fine at least in those special moments that may never come again, and which you should learn to value before it’s too late.

But for those situations when you have nobody to share a hug with, someone very smart and very lonely invented this:
Imagecause one ‘papoi‘ can change everything. Don’t believe me? Then check this out. 😀

I just wanted you to know… that ‘papoi’ is the best.

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