The Versions of Me, of You, of Us

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I’ve recently finished a book called The Versions of Us, a title which sounded interesting enough to make me read the back cover, then buy it. There were three intercalated stories which actually related the same story, but, well, different versions of it. This article though is not going to be a book review – the book is just a background, a pretext to write, a mere inspiration for giving my thoughts some depth and direction.

A similar idea was written in some of my previous articles. One of them described multiple versions of me, but chronological versions, the ones you need to go through one by one – just as I explained here, such an event is called in computer science the depth first search, in which you just keep moving forward without looking left or right. But the opposite is called the breadth first search, in which all the possibilities are evaluated before taking the next step. And these versions of me, corresponding to breath first search, would be far more complicated that the chronological versions.

Back to the book, the two main characters are an aspiring painter and an aspiring writer, occupations which both require a large amount of creativity, and lots of patience and practice. But creativity and imagination are exactly what’s needed to have your mind wandering, in my case not to find answers for What if…? questions, but to find the questions themselves: which were the turning points in my life so far, what were the precise decisions which made me take this specific path in life?

The reason I’m not thinking about the answers, about different possible lives that I could be living, is that I don’t like being trapped in the past, nor in a future that will never happen. Not that it makes me sad to think about different versions, cause it doesn’t (or does it?), but it’s a bitter-sweet sensation, the kind that’s too strange to be classified as either sad or happy. Like this song here.

An alternative life was mentioned during a fantasy movie I was watching some time ago. Just a brief idea, but enough to make me think – and perhaps also make one of the guys I was watching it with, think. The main hero’s crush, which is, unfortunately for him, not a mutual crush, tells him something that sounds cliché but at the same time really profound: Maybe in a parallel universe we end up being together. And the worst thing was not watching the friendzoned hero’s sad eyes and sensing his broken heart, but knowing that the exact same situation was happening between two of the people whose eyes were silently glued to the screen.

So, yeah. I guess saying Yes instead of No is always a (major) change of events, a new opportunity which could push you on a whole different path in live. But no regrets means the right choice was made, I think. Cause that’s one thing that keeps us from being happy, regrets. Comparing ourselves with others and with other versions of us. Asking ourselves What if…? and then fantasising about a better path in life, when actually there’s no assurance that the current path is worse that the hypothetical one.

And the same happens about accepting an invitation to going out, to dinner, to a movie or whatever. In those seconds before answering, make sure you realise that, as strange as it may sound, that answer may push you away from a path and onto another. Choosing your high-school profile, your university course, your friends and job – anything is just another step on a specific path which will later form the current and authentic version of yourself – all the others are just possibilities that slowly disappear into time.

Of course, it is not always us who make the decision. Maybe the guy I never knew would have answered the way I thought I wanted him to. But that’s part of his versions, not mine, and unfortunately we can’t really know much about the versions of others that don’t involve us. Cause all the others around us have their own power of choice, and all the paths together create a spider web which is by itself so complex, that one shouldn’t even try to think about all the other versions of it…

What’s more, apart from the other persons there’s also something else that contributes to moving on a particular path: chance. There’s always a chance for something to happen, and some say that the more you fear it, the highest the chance for it to actually occur. And something such as unwanted pregnancy seems to be quite a major turning point into one’s life, so how can one not fear it?… (don’t worry, not a major book spoiler).

A situation when a complex life with lots of choices can be explored is… in computer games 🙂 Cause you can choose a path, or how to answer to someone, or not kill another character and then load the game and explore other possible versions of it. But you can’t really do that in real life, so you just have to live with whatever decisions you make, or do your best to move on a desired path.

Somehow thinking about this topic reminded me of the animated movie Hercules, or more specifically the sequence when he risks his life to save the girl from death, and becomes immortal – I still remember his life thread turning into a material that couldn’t be cut anymore. To be honest I’m not entirely sure how this relates to the rest of the article, but the idea is that we always have a choice for the overall life we’re living: our decisions, thoughts, how we act and react will define us, and in the end we’re just going to live the version of us that we shape ourselves.

Maybe another version of me was perfect for another version of you. Or is, or will be… Who knows?

This Is Not About Crushes.

Heart Eyes

I wanted to write about crushes. Then lots of stuff happened recently and I kept postponing it, so right now I don’t feel like writing about crushes. Not today.

I’d rather listen to the rain while laying in my bed, and watching the wallpaper on my phone crying with raindrops. It makes me sad in a way, but I’ve promised myself I wouldn’t cry again too soon. I remember my first article from more than a year ago, where I talked about rain… That article was the start of me explaining to myself how crushed I felt, when a mutual crush ended after a while. That’s the thing with crushes, they crush you in a way. And if they don’t, you either fall in love or fall out of love, but you’re still getting crushed sooner or later. Can you have a crush on someone who has crushed you already? Probably not. It would be insane, I guess.

But anyway, I said this would not about crushes. It makes me sad, trying to write about crushes. And not because of my first mutual crush, but because of more recent events. Unfortunate events that came in a series (speaking about that, I could probably think about a few characters from books I felt attracted to, in a way. But that’s another story, other kind of ‘crushes’); and it’s strange that usually people are happy to talk about crushes, right? Like, they’re eyes become little hearts and this kind of stuff (at least in cartoons). And I guess there’s a phase which may resemble that metaphor, but it’s only a matter of time until you get to the next stage: either accepting that there’s nothing going on, or falling in love. And to be honest I’m not sure which is worse.

But I’m not talking about crushes, I’m talking about me and how I realised that maybe there was something a little more special about him. Maybe it was because he seemed to understand my thoughts and I could be myself when I was with him. Maybe it was the fact that he wrote back to me, in a way that no one did before. (I was waiting for someone else to write back at some point long ago, but in the meantime I gave up waiting.) Maybe because he was using the phrase ‘to be completely honest’, maybe because he was hard to read and I had no idea if I was amongst his thoughts; or maybe I was feeling lonely, which is a lie, cause the verb should be in present tense. But anyway, it’s hard to have a crush on someone, it’s even harder to tell them and the hardest thing to do is accept their decision. I survived though, it’s OK. I guess it’s better to know what the other feels about you, before you fall too hard. You can’t afford to fall too hard – you don’t want to be crushed by all the thoughts and dreams and future plans that may include him, right? Don’t let him crush you by being present in your mind if you’re not sure there’s a chance, as little as it may be, for things to work out.

But anyway, I don’t really feel like talking about crushes. Not when I can still hear the words ‘So… I guess you’ll write another article now’ which came from someone who was having a crush on me. And I was refusing him, I explained the situation (lame excuses, I guess), but it was hard. It’s hard to explain why things wouldn’t work out when you actually care about that person, it’s hard to continue and live the everyday life knowing he’s not looking at you with the same eyes he had beforehand, it’s hard to ask him the name of England’s Eurovision song, without blinking when hearing the answer. But again, I admire the courage to speak the truth, and I do believe that it’s better to be honest and talk about feelings rather than slowly getting crushed by the amount of them. But you can get crushed if someone has a crush on you, just like the phrase says. You get crushed by their attention, and I may be weird, but I don’t feel at ease when I get too much unwanted attention. It makes me back off and slowly start rejecting people, and yeah… Better to understand the message than becoming a freak, I guess.

Perhaps I’m just too picky, or I feel so alone that it’s hard to realise if I actually want the crush thingie to work, or it’s just the loneliness that may induce feelings. I don’t know. Is it nice to have a crush? Well, when I was younger (and yes, I’m still young) I guess it was sweet. But not anymore. Now it’s just strange, and hard, and sad, and then either everything or nothing at all: nothing if you fall out of love, everything if you get crushed. There’s also the case when things work out, of course, but more importantly, do they continue to work out in the future? You can fall out of love if that’s the wrong person you were falling in love with. And that’s OK as well.

But I’m not picky. I just don’t have a clear idea about what I want, but I start getting more ideas about what I do not want. Does that count as picky? If you say you feel lonely, but refuse anyone who wants to come closer to you? I don’t know. I used to think that no one ever had a crush on me, just because I didn’t know anyone that would. But then things changed, and I’m not sure which is worse: that no one has a crush on you, or that some have, but they’re not your type. And on top of that, you don’t even know your type. You have that first mutual crush for comparison, but it’s wrong to compare guys, it’s wrong to compare relationships, it’s wrong to compare you from the past with you from the present, cause things change and perhaps you’ll never find someone having all his good parts, plus all the other good parts that would make a relationship work this time. So why keep comparing, then? Why think that because a guy lacks something your first crush did not, it makes the guy less likely to be worth even trying? Cause the truth is, you don’t know anything before you try. But before that, your intuition comes, and then your standards, and then your non-types, and then the realisation that the amount of feelings you have for that person are below the minimum necessary to decide it may be worth a try. Sometimes that’s wrong, of course, but it’s you who decide what to choose.

This article was supposed to be about anything else than crushes, but the truth is when you are physically crushed by a physical object, it’s hard to think about anything else, right? The same is with having a crush. Or with trying not to imagine a pink elephant if someone tells you not to imagine a pink elephant. It’s all about the mind and imagination, in the end. That’s where the feelings are, but how can you control your feelings when you see him with someone else, except you just saw wrong and it was not him at all? You can’t control if you have a crush or not, if you wait half asleep near the phone or not, can you? ‘You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world…but you do have some say in who hurts you.‘ I guess that’s true.

But still, if Z. has a crush on Y. , and Y has a crush on X., then what should Y.ou do? Keep going forward and aim high, on X., or turn around and wait for Z.? Keep your dignity and all the promises you made to yourself, regarding which type ‘the one’ should fit in, or not fit in? Or realise not everything is black and white only? I don’t know. Right now I’m not sure of anything, to be completely honest. Not even of this article’s title.

The Pursuit of…

happiness

The inspiration for this article comes from three different comments I got from three different persons. They were the types of comments that stay hidden into your mind for a long, long time, and you think about them from time to time, but you never truly forget them. They’re just there, and you can’t even explain why you keep bothering about them, why can’t you store some other kind of information into your brain, rather than random remarks… except they’re not that random.

These three comments seemed quite different from each other until I suddenly saw them like the pieces of a puzzle, which somehow started making sense in a second. It’s the same feeling you’ve got when you start thinking about something, then your mind wanders towards something else, and so on until you stop and wonder how you got from A to Z, when they’re not related at all… But anyway, the first remark was given to me by a girl of my age, whom I had just met that evening. Somehow we ended up talking, and somehow the topic turned out to be the long distance relationships, which I mentioned that I don’t particularly enjoy. But right after that, her comment, half question, half pity, froze me for a second. ‘You have been in many long distance relationship, then?… ‘ Well, guess what, I have not. Not even in one. But I’ve seen enough around me – I have eyes, you know. I have ears, I have imagination, I have friends who’ve been there. And yes, I know you can’t really put yourself in someone else’s shoes when it comes to feelings and all that, but still, I do not have a good opinion about a relationship with someone you meet once a month, at least of course not without a proper foundation, let’s say. I know it’s hard, I know everyone knows it’s hard… Still you are allowed to say that I haven’t experienced such a level of love that is above all these – cause you’re probably right. I’m aware of the fact true love beats distance, but does true love really exist…? (I’ve written here an article about soul-mates some time ago – and I pretty much still have the same principles).

The second remark was made online by a friend, with whom I somehow managed to have a deeper conversation even though that didn’t happen often. And by deeper, I mean about happiness. I mentioned not having a boyfriend and then I asked for his opinion about how I could be happier. I don’t know if I expected his answer to be related to some relationship thing, but it wasn’t. ‘Just make more of what makes you happy.‘, then ‘And having a boyfriend doesn’t guarantee happiness, does it?‘. And he was right. I knew that, I had known that beforehand, I had experienced it at some point. And I know that there’s no one who can make you happy except yourself, as you can’t really be happy with someone else until you learn it by yourself. And you may be sad now that you’re single, but you may be even sadder with someone wrong near you. So as much as I like to pretend that being single is the reason for my occasional lack of happiness, I know I have to admit that’s not the case. It’s something deeper, that no one can figure out except myself; after realising what makes me happy and what doesn’t, I can start working more on the first bit, and improve my happiness, I guess.

The last remark is the one that put everything together in a bigger picture. It was addressed to me by that one guy which I could consider being the cause of my unhappiness, except I know that’s not the case. I think I’ve mentioned him about that, about sometimes being unhappy. And his reply made me half frown, half smile. ‘You’re the one who’s got a job, so stop complaining‘. And I stopped, but just because I didn’t know how to respond. Yes, I got a job, and yes, I will be moving to the capital city soon. But an old cliché proverb says that money doesn’t necessarily bring happiness – although, I know, it’s a lot more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bike. Still, it doesn’t guarantee happiness, the same way having a boyfriend doesn’t. What the job guarantees, though, is the fact that I’ll move outside this city. Which brought into my mind the first remark; what if a boyfriend would have been left behind? Then it would have been a long distance relationship. So… isn’t it better that this is not the case? Isn’t it better that I do not have a boyfriend, with whom to have a long distance relationship, which I doubt would be that pleasing?… Yet I’ve heard though that such relationships do have their benefits; plus of course, many other possibilities exist, such as the boyfriend coming to the capital city, money buying happiness, or me discovering that even a long distance relationship is not that bad. For now, though, I’ll stick to what I have, which is the future job. That may not be enough to make me happy, but hey, it could have been worse, right?

NOTE: Three months after writing this as a draft, I had the chance to date someone and perhaps even be in a relationship, but I chose to end it after a really short time. And it proved me everything I had already written in here, everything I was trying to convince myself when I was typing the above thoughts. Now I know, I’ve felt it, I’ve lived it. A relationship does not guarantee happiness. Your attitude does, and the better the relationship is, the better your attitude – but also the other way around. Until you realise you’ve got the relationship you want, don’t offer your happiness “bare-handed” to anyone – it’s too precious and too fragile, just like your heart, and you should handle both of them with kid gloves. Learn to value yourself and be happy whether you’re single or not, whether you’ve got that job or not – but hey, at least you can still do more of what you like, and if that doesn’t make you happy, I don’t know what else does.

Bottom line, of course, don’t worry, be happy! It’s well worth it 😀

1/2 a <3 (A Valentine's Day Short Story)

halfAheartShe always could barely wait for the first day of each month, as it was the day when donations came in. When she could finally catch a glimpse of what the normal people were wearing or using – not that she wasn’t normal, of course, but it was hard for a girl that lived in an orphanage to own all those amazing items in any other way. This time, she was hoping for a purse – and yes, there it was, right at the bottom of the sack. A brown purse with many pockets, including a little zipped one, so little you could perhaps think it was fake… But wait – what’s this? Something inside, a hard piece of paper, maybe a label… But no, it doesn’t look like a label, it’s not a label at all! It is a little card, not larger than an inch, painted in red and white. Minutely cut in it was half a heart, so that one could see through it the inside of the card before opening it – then, once opened, the full heart is shown, but with an empty half.

14.02.14
For P, hugs & kisses
infinite

It was obviously a Valentine’s letter from one a year ago, and she remained speechless realising how much love and care have been put inside something so little, just by the fact that it was manually designed and written. But… What is something like that doing inside the smallest pocket of a donated purse?! Perhaps the girl who received it forgot it there… She could imagine the smile on the girlfriend’s face when she received it, how she hugged him and thanked him for it, then put it inside that pocket where it fit perfectly, and forgot it there…

But still, who would forget something like this in a bag? Not when it means so much, more than something expensive, actually, cause a hand crafted object takes time, and a piece of your time is the most important gift you can give to someone… Well, this means it didn’t mean so much, in the end. Perhaps she wanted to forget him and left it there, put it somewhere where you could even trick your mind into thinking that the pocket is false, so that you will never see it again… But then, why not simply throw it away?

It’s so small and still full of details, though, that I feel it was made by a girl. And assuming it was meant to a boyfriend P, what is it still doing inside her purse? Again, she couldn’t have just forgotten it there, neither before nor after giving it to him… A shadow of sadness covered her face. This letter never found its destination, cause she changed her mind. Perhaps he broke up with her right on Valentine’s Day last year, which would be so sad, but it does explain it. Or perhaps she felt ashamed in the last minute to give him something so small and inexpensive like a hand crafted paper, but in this case she was more than wrong, as this kind of gifts values sometimes much more than a golden bracelet or so… And indeed it values, or else the little card would have been burned by now – but perhaps even though she did change her mind, she didn’t want to forget. The gift still meant so much, a symbol of what had been, of infinite love, that she couldn’t just erase it as if it was never there, she couldn’t just destroy something she had put so much love into, something she put inside the smallest pocket of her everyday purse, cause it fit so perfectly there, and then carried it with her everywhere, but somehow never feeling the urge to give it to him, not on Valentine’s Day and not even months after that, when there were only the two of them, and the bag, and the card, alone abroad in a place they say it’s the most romantic city… It just never was a proper time, and then it wasn’t anything at all.

Should I then throw it away, or leave it where it belongs, in the old purse that I’m going to give to orphanage, to enlighten someone else’s imagination?… Would I be left with half a heart?

The Power of Music(ians)

guitarRemember one of my previous posts about music, the one describing how awful you may feel just from listening the wrong song at the wrong time? Well, something happened the other day, something similar but completely different.

It was a normal day, which means unusual just for being normal; not a happy day, not an unhappy day, just a regular day. But for some reason I had to go walk into town, lost amongst my thoughts, lost amongst the crowd, when suddenly something caught my attention. And there weren’t my eyes whose attention was caught, but my ears: someone was standing near a wall, singing in a microphone while playing the guitar. Of course, I had seen such street musicians before, so nothing was new. And it wasn’t even a song I knew – but disregarding the choice of the song, I usually stop to leave a few coins as a sign of appreciation, or perhaps as a boost of determination and self confidence. I don’t do it cause I pity them; I do it cause I feel they deserve it, they way you pay for a concert ticket, just this one is more intimate, more mysterious even… You don’t know the guy, perhaps you don’t even recognise the song, but in that infinitesimal period of time that takes you to walk in the area – cause it is infinitesimal compared to the time spent at a concert – you feel that the musician is performing for you only. A unique experience for any of the passers-by, as each of them pays attention to a specific part of the song, until they ears can’t hear any more, or their own thoughts become more overwhelming…

And such a unique experience has to be rewarded, right? They don’t really say a price. You may not listen at all, you may not even hear the song, so no one tells you to stop and put some change in the guitar case, unless you really want to, any amount you want. And so did I. I stopped to put a few coins, but before I left, I did something I’m not sure I usually do to any street musician – or perhaps I do, but his response transformed the moments into something more precious.

I said above I didn’t know the song – I still don’t know it, as I forgot it after I left the place, not until humming it in my mind for a little while. But it was something about that song, about the rhythm, which was not sad, not happy, just something in-between, like a sweet melancholy that overwhelms you when thinking about past moments… His voice also suited the song really well, not too deep, not too high, and his guitar blended in just perfectly – it was actually during a guitar solo that I stopped in front of him. I already knew music and love are somehow bound together: you can fall in love with someone due to a certain song, but you can also fall in love with an activity, a concept, anything, even… life. I know it may sound a cliché, but something like that happened to me right then: I just felt… euphoric, in a way. And although I felt it on the inside, this was reflected on the outside as well, as I found myself smiling the guitarist after dropping the coins.

Now, I suppose it’s not uncommon to smile after such a gesture. I’ve probably smiled before in these situations, just little smiles, which may mean compassion, appreciation, a boost of self confidence and also something like ‘Hey, I saw you, I heard you singing, thanks, I liked it, here’s some spare change. That’s what you wanted, right? Everyone’s happy now, so I may just smile a little to emphasise my kindness’. That kind of smile. The polite one, that usually gets a polite nod back from the singer, and perhaps even a subtle smile in exchange as well.

But that time, it was different. That music made me smile, not the usual kind of smile, but a large, honest, genuine smile. With teeth showing. I don’t know why, it was just something that happened. I wanted to show him I received the message, I understood his music and I appreciated it. I wanted to thank him for those moments, thank him for making me feel special, as if he was performing for my eyes and ears only. Cause I could see that his main priority wasn’t to make money from performing; he was just doing what he liked to do, in a way that made the others like it as well. He was the star of his own concert even though people would ignore him when passing by, and I respected that. I wanted to be able to share all of that through a smile, a real smile. And I know I managed to, cause he replied in order to let me know that he received my feelings. How? With another large, genuine smile, of course.

Although it all took a couple seconds before I continued my way and he continued singing that song, they somehow made a difference for me that day. Those moments proved me that indeed, there are reasons to smile every day even from the simplest things. And they also reminded me that happiness should be shared, that a smile which is returned can make someone’s day, and that I should continue paying attention to street singers – especially those who are not performing for someone in particular, but in the same time they are for you only.

Smile, it’s free! 😀

Boy Space Friends

BoySpaceFriends

I posted at some point an article about different types of personalities – which were more or less related to each other in a way – and now I was thinking about different types of boy friends. With a space between words, which does NOT represent a so-called friendzone. My list has nothing to do with romance which is felt by only one of the two – it’s merely a description about different types of guys that are amongst male friends, and of course there are many other types out there waiting to be discovered, plus some guys can be classified in more than one group.

The guy to whom you can tell mostly everything. Oh, my toast burned. Look, that guy doesn’t spell properly. Check out this picture, lol! I’m hungry. I’m sleepy. All this kind of stuff, just random thoughts that you feel you want to share, and you can just chat with him whether he’s replying or not, and disregarding his opinion – if he has one.

The guy to whom you can talk about mostly everything. From what’s love? to Why is the earth round? to How can I not be so skinny but still look good? to I’m lonely. This guy does reply and his opinions do really matter. The discussions matter, too, even if perhaps he doesn’t agree with everything you say. An alternative view is never a bad thing.

The guy you still hope you’ll know better. This means from what music or movies he likes, to the ideas hidden inside his mind, and his perspective of the whole life purpose. The kind of guy you think you understand in a minute, but in another you’re completely lost on a separate path.

The guy you can hug without feeling awkward in any way. He’s just there for you if you feel low, blue, or you just crave for a hug, without any further questions.

The guy you can’t actually hug unless it’s a special occasion, but you find yourself wondering from time to time how hugging him may feel like – I have a more detailed post about hugs here.

The guy with whom you share some hobbies / anything at all, whether it’s reading, drinking bottled water, the same university modules, or perhaps something deeper. It doesn’t actually matter as long as you have something in common.

The guy with whom you can share moments of comfortable silence. Just doing nothing, saying nothing, but without feeling awkward at all.

The guy with whom you can’t spend more than half a minute in silence, and you always have to find something to say so that awkwardness wouldn’t cover you both.

The guy who can make you laugh, or at least smile.

The guy to whom you can talk about your problems with other boys – cause a guy’s opinion may be different.

The guy who suggests you good music, or what he thinks good music is.

The guy who suggests you good… suggestions (that are actually good enough to follow).

The guy you can watch movies with.

The ex boyfriend – this type is represented by a word which was broken together with the break up, and the secret here is to make sure the space between the two words is not transformed into a friendzone. Once that’s settled, everything else is clear.

The normal friend, whom you can’t call a best friend, but he does his job. You can rely on him mostly all of the time, and he’s fine with everything, I guess.

All all the other types and subtypes of male friends that I’ll perhaps discover in time, or perhaps not.

But what do all these guys have in common, except from being friends?… Simple. When their girlfriends slash crushes slash other special girl space friends are around, I’m plan B. And I don’t fancy being plan B to anyone – but of course, I’m not going to argue about this. It’s not jealousy, it’s just a fact. I respect their top priorities, but I’m not sure I’ll ever be one for them. Apart from this, hooray for boy friends!

Why Writing?

Iwritebecausenoonelistens

A couple days ago I found out about an opportunity to receive a scholarship for my studies. As I was eligible, my enthusiasm was pretty high until I saw the application form – all of them referring to why I chose this domain (computer science) and why others should persuade such a career. And I stopped. ‘If only they asked about writing’, I thought. But oh well, what if someone does ask about the reason behind writing? Why do I write? Why do I have a blog? Why should someone else start doing the same?

I realised this isn’t too easy either. I explained some ideas in my previous posts, my first one and the one about writing. But another short post can’t do any harm. I write because I enjoy writing. I honestly like it. No one forces me to, no one pays me to do it, no one gives me a prize for any post I publish here or somewhere else. It’s only me with myself, plus those of you who read this and make me realise my writing isn’t in vane (or is it?).

Usually I write because I have something to say. Some ideas, some thoughts, something unimportant and common, something unique. It can be anything, really. Anything I consider it’s worth sharing. And I would share it verbally as well, if only I could find someone who’s actually listening. ‘Cause that’s another reason for writing: no one’s listening, or if they are, they don’t understand completely. Perhaps they’re listening just in order to please you, or out of respect, or they’re just bored, or perhaps they are indeed listening but they’re not responding the way you wish someone, anyone, would respond. Perhaps they find what you’re saying too boring, perhaps you talk too fast for the others to keep up, perhaps they have their own ideas and are too busy to listen to your thoughts. And that’s ok.

I recently discovered something I knew already, but I had forgotten. That is, that everyone has a story. You just need to learn how to listen to it, how to approach that person who you thought you could never learn how to interact with. And honestly, I was surprised. I realised you can’t blame others for not listening to you if you are not listening to them either. Everyone has something to discuss with you, if you give them the chance. And who knows, perhaps by listening to them, you’ll find someone capable of listening to you as well. Until then, just write.

Write to prove yourself what you’re capable of. Write to give yourself a sense of listening, write to clear your thoughts and order your ideas. Write for yourself, write for others, write anything as long as you enjoy it. And there’s always the problem of having too little time, of course. But not even that has stopped me from deciding to participate in a writing competition at the university (details soon – if I ever finish the story). Cause I enjoy it more that anything.

Now all I have to do is rewrite this from the perspective of a computer scientist instead of a writer. It shouldn’t be that hard, right?.. What am I after all?