When I first saw this quote, I thought it was perfect. It all made sense, not to die if you have a writer who’s in love with you. But then I started thinking, to see exactly if I understand what’s all about.
I don’t consider myself a writer. I’ve always wanted to be a writer, but it was more like a far away dream, that you’re never actually planning to achieve. You just think that someday, in the future, you’d like to be a writer. But days pass on and you do nothing about it… That’s why I started blogging, to have a sense of writing without actually writing a book or anything. Basically a writer is anyone who writes, right? Although a real writer does more than just putting some words on the paper… The same way a photographer is not anyone who takes a selfie with the phone.
But anyway, I am writing right now, so I can think about the quote from my point of view. Me being the writer, I mean. There was a moment from that period of time when I was just dreaming to become a writer, but didn’t write – which is, before I started this blog – when I actually considered writing about someone, and about love. But it was just a dream of the future. I didn’t write anything, cause why would I? And I’m not going to do it now, either. Cause I’ve changed, and I’ve changed my mind as well.
I decided it was a bad idea to write about a particular person and about a relationship that was, could be, could have been. I don’t know why. It wasn’t the first time when I was thinking about some persons, writing about them, cause I thought I found inspiration in them. But it was just this time when I realised it was wrong. If someone inspires you, it doesn’t mean you should write about them, but about how things changed inside you after receiving inspiration; I suddenly felt that if I was going to write something, it would be about myself, not anyone else. It makes more sense, actually. To write in order to discover yourself, not to describe your vision about some other person, which of course is only your vision, and which may not even be the truth. If you’re writing about yourself, it’s more like giving the others the opportunity to see who you really are. But if you write about someone else, you’ll just alter others’ perceptions about that person. And maybe that person’s perception about themselves. And it doesn’t sound right…
Then I thought I could write about us. About what it is, what it was, what I’m hoping it will be. But again, I gave up on that idea. Cause I doubt people would like to hear about things that you share only with that one person, situations that only the two of you understand. The special moments should be kept just between you, not shared with the whole world. Plus you wouldn’t really feel the urge to share those things. (although, of course, you can still write about them). Cause you’d be living them with that person, so why would you want to look like you’re bragging with what you have? Or, in case of a break up, how many people do you think would like to read about what could have been, but, oh, you see, the fate was against us… It would be wrong. I know I’m supposed to write what I feel and not what I want people to hear – and I consider myself quite good at that – but still, you can’t live if others aren’t aware of your presence. Or perhaps you can, but that’s not the point. If you want to feel that ‘you can never die’, then the others need to have contact with ‘you’, the one from my words, even though some of them won’t know you’re there. And if they shouldn’t hear about a couple’s story, it means that’s not the right way to do it. So I think that if I, as a writer, fall in love with you, I won’t write directly about you, us, my perception about you, us, my plans or hopes regarding you, us. But still, I believe the quote is true.
You will not die. But you won’t remain alive in my words, either. Don’t expect to live happily ever after in my words. You will not live at all, actually – cause this isn’t about you, it’s about me. Then how can you still be present in my writings, without anything actually being about you? Well, it’s possible. Cause if I fall in love with you (and I fall, cause that’s our assumption-
Actually let’s have a break for some sentences or so. Cause I read the quote again, and I remembered about my soon-to-come Maths exam, which I should be revising for instead of writing this. Or I can do both, it’s not that hard and I’m sure you can follow. Sooo we have a conditional statement here: if p then q. We know that p, the hypothesis, implies the conclusion q. I also remember that not q implies not p. Which would be that You can die at some point, if a writer doesn’t fall in love with you. Well, the thing is you will die anyway, at some point. But it’s nicer to know that someone falls in love with you beforehand, and that someone could as well be a writer. But you’ll definitely die.
Still I would add some other conditions: if a writer falls in love with you, AND you have such a huge impact on her, so that you can actually change the way she thinks and sees the world, AND she has the opportunity to write about all these, and not about butterflies and sunsets (not that I’m against them, but you can’t probably live through them), AND you can actually see fragments of yourself amongst her words, THEN indeed you will never die 🙂
Cause if she falls in love with you, but that’s all, full stop, then she may as well find some other inspiration. (she will find it anyway, sooner or later). Or if she falls is love with you, but she writes only about tangible things, or about feelings that may or may not dissappear at some point, then you will most probably die with them. So the thing is that having a writer who falls in love with you is, unfortunately, not guaranteed for your immortality. She needs to fall in love with your soul. (If she falls in love with you, but not for your soul, you may still find a perishing version of yourself amongst her love stories, but I don’t see that exactly as immortality). You don’t have to change her, but she will do it by herself, if you deserve the changes. She will steal thoughts from you, ideas and ways of seeing life, and then she’ll get used to them as if they were hers from the beginning. And that’s where you want to be, with a part of your mind into hers. And there you have it. Immortality 🙂 Even when the bond between you is becoming thinner, you’ll know that there’s enough of you left there. And then she may start writing. And you’ll see your perceptions tangled with hers, you’ll see how things that you thought only you could understand, or not even you, are being explained as seen through her own eyes. You’ll see yourself in her words, you’ll see the impact that you had, you’ll see how you actually are, but without her describing you, you’ll see what that quote meant, that you can never die.
And now I’ll close the bracket and get back to the previous idea.) Cause if I fall in love with you, I won’t let you die. And even if it will be the case that after I finish falling, I’ll get up again and continue alone on my own path in life, I still won’t let that part of you die, cause that part of you is part of me now, and that part of me would die if I tried to stifle it in order to keep it silent. So I slowly write it down, particles of it hidden amongst my own thoughts, older and newer.
Just step back a little, but think closer. Closer to my way of thinking, I mean. Do you understand it, now? That’s why you’ll never die. Cause you found the key. You found a writer who was once falling in love with you. And you were lucky enough that when your paths split apart, she had already copied a part of your thoughts, ideas, personality, and pasted it amongst her owns.
And indeed you are lucky, and I almost envy you. Cause I know the feeling of influencing someone, I’ve been in your shoes, I had for some short moments my own ‘writer’ who was in love with me. But this doesn’t make me immortal, cause as I’ve said above, being a writer is not enough, and there are other conditions that have to be met. But I know I enjoyed the moments I felt immortal, and now it’s my turn to do the same.
I wonder, still,