‘My boyfriend’s thinking about marriage.’
I could feel the tears tickling my eyes already, so I took a deep breath.
‘…and not with me.’
I focused on his face, a little unsure that I did the right thing by choosing him, out of all the possible persons, to discuss such a delicate issue with. I’m not sure what made me tell him about that, actually – I tend not to talk about such problems. But his voice echoed with concern when he pronounced the same words that have been haunting me for a while, and suddenly all my incertitude dissolved. ‘Soul-mates…?’
I didn’t expect that, but I admit I should have seen it coming. To be honest, I didn’t even expect him to listen, to understand, or at least to try to understand. But I suppose it’s always shocking to realise your younger brother is not so young anymore. You blink once, and he’s grown so much… I forced myself to smile a little. ‘Perhaps yes, perhaps no. We will never know’.
‘We will eventually, in the end… Remember all the fairy-tales daddy used to tell us? The ones with happy ending, when the princess meets her soul mate and everything’s perfect… ‘
Yeah… That’s not how life really is. I mean… I’m not sure I believe in such things. Not anymore. I doubt two souls on this planet can match perfectly, like two puzzle pieces, and even if they are, I consider souls to be immortals; then who can guarantee my soul-mate and I would live in the same… century?! Plus I don’t see how you decide you’ve found your soul-mate. Maybe tomorrow you’ll meet someone new, who matches even more than your current ‘soul-mate’. I think the only thing that we can do is to find someone suitable for us, while we are aware that there may be others on this planet who are probably far more suitable. And people do change in time. No matter what they say, they really do. I guess it takes a while to see who changes accordingly to yourself, so that you continue to ‘match’ along the whole life.
It would be easier not to believe in soul-mates, I guess. Cause if you believe, you’ll spend your whole life searching for him. And you’ll miss all the others. All the others who you decide they’re not for you, cause you’re waiting for something else, without even knowing what. Something special, I guess. But perhaps that someone special just needs a chance from you, and you’re not giving it cause you decide you want to keep searching. Or waiting, or whatever. Maybe the guy you refused when he offered to help you with the shopping bags deserved a chance. Maybe that creepy guy who keeps talking to you isn’t that creepy. Maybe you should go outside rather than waiting for a miracle to fall from the sky.
I remember a book (now a really sweet movie) about true friendship and true love, about old childhood friends and their quest to find that best someone for each of them, when perhaps what they were searching for was right in front of their eyes… Cause what if you won’t find a pot of gold ‘Where Rainbows End‘, as the old legend says, but someone special instead? You can never know what waits for you there, somewhere. And another nice ‘quest’ is ‘In search of a love story‘, which made me realise that a romantic life which seems perfect may not be what you really want, and that being a ‘hopeless romantic’ which compares guys with personalities from books is quite a bad idea. There’s no prince charming out there. There’s no bad guy either, they’re all a mixture of both.
However, if you think you’ve found someone that is worth fighting for, good for you. Fight for him. Cause if soul-mates do exist, then nothing will stay in your way. But just make sure he’s the right one, for that moment, cause no one knows what will happen if-
‘Do you believe in soul-mates then?’
I blinked, still lost amongst my thoughts. I don’t like when someone interrupts my chain of thoughts, but-
‘I mean for yourself, not for your ex’.
That last word made my heart sank a little, exactly what I needed to make my mind focus. I even managed to force a smile.
‘A little faith didn’t hurt anyone, right?’ Although as soon as the words left my lips, I knew that wasn’t true – I could feel it, actually. Feel the faith going away, while disappointment took its place; and disappointment hurts.